Decorum - A Tool for Oppression?

How the NHCS BOE uses "decorum" to silence voices, honor hate and celebrate oppression. Written by Sandy

Decorum.

Recently, we’ve been hearing this word frequently during the New Hanover County School Board of Education meetings. Discussions about this topic are regularly put on meeting agendas by the GOP BOE members, as they complain about the lack of decorum at their meetings. Both from fellow board members and the public.

These recent calls for decorum have me concerned.

Should we strive to engage in respectful dialogue when trying to resolve educational issues in our district? Absolutely. But, I’m left wondering if board members David Perry, Pat Bradford, Josie Barnhart, Melissa Mason and Pete Wildeboer, are using decorum as a tool of oppression. Are they demanding that we abide by unjust rules as a means to silence our voices?

My first question is who defines and sets the standard for decorum? Pat Bradford? The public? Me? Mirriam-Webster?

Does decorum require silence when confronted with injustices such as racism, bigotry, and misogyny? Or are we allowed to speak uncomfortable truths?

Does the model of decorum leave space for passionate debate? Or must we silently disagree?

Does decorum allow civil disobedience and protest? Or does it require complete and total obedience?

Is there room for tension in the presence of decorum? Or is decorum only possible in its absence?

I’m troubled by these recent discussions among our board members because it seems their definition and model of decorum requires silence, agreement, obedience and the total absence of tension. Their definition only benefits oppression, and protects the oppressor. And, in this case, these five board members are the oppressors.

It’s a brilliant strategy, really. Under their model, Pat Bradford is protected when she calls transgender students “things”. David Perry is protected when he tells parents their transgender children have psychological problems. Josie Barnhart is protected when she silences the voices of two black authors - Sharon Draper and Ibram X Kendi. Pete Wildeboer is protected when he disrespects our highly skilled teachers by challenging their professional expertise. And, Melissa Mason is protected when she shuts down the DEI committee.

Their version of decorum protects them against accountability. It serves as a safe haven for their bigotry, racism and hate to flourish.

Under their model, the public, and fellow board members Tim Merrick and Judy Justice, can not fight against their imposed injustices, as every challenge is received as an attack. Their model restricts us from speaking truth about how their decisions strip the rights of parents, students and staff. Their version of decorum requires us to quietly accept their unjust policies.

When the public peacefully protests against bigoted, racist, homophobic and transphobic policies, those five board members clutch their pearls and yell “decorum”. When we protest against these injustices, they sit at the dais and chastise us for being disruptive and uncivil.

Fighting for, and protecting, basic human rights has a rich history of challenging decorum, civility and peace. It’s who we are as a nation. It’s who I am as a woman, a mother, a wife, a human. It’s offensive to be expected to remain quiet and obedient while my rights, and the rights of those I love, are being stripped away.

In 1917, 150 suffragists were arrested and jailed for picketing in front of the White House and obstructing traffic, as they demanded the right to vote. In 1919, Alice Paul declared “When men are denied justice, they go to war. This is our war, only we are fighting it with banners instead of guns.” The Suffragist movement disrupted civility and decorum as they went to “war” against our government.

Rosa Parks disrupted decorum when she refused to sit in the back of the bus in 1955. As did Ezell Blair Jr., Franklin E. McCain, Joseph A. McNeil, and David L. Richmond when they refused to leave while sitting at a Greensboro lunch counter in February 1960. A few months later, 6 year old Ruby Bridges dared to attend an all white elementary school, and set the example for school integration. The Freedom Riders challenged segregation as they rode through the deep south in 1961. And in 1965, 600 peaceful civil rights marchers were violently attacked because they dared walk across a bridge - a day remembered as Bloody Sunday.

The Stonewall Riots of 1969 were a series of protests over the span of 6 days in NYC. Protestors took to the streets and fought against government-sponsored persecution. These riots started the decades long gay rights movement as the LGBTQIA+ community fought, and continues to fight, for equal rights and recognition under the law.

In 1990 over 1000 people marched to our nation’s Capital. Upon arriving, 60 disabled protestors, the youngest protestor being just 7 years old, participated in the Capital Crawl, as they crawled up the Capital steps, demanding Congress pass the Americans with Disability Act (ADA).

In all of these examples, normal Americans disrupted oppressive models of decorum and civility as they fought for basic human rights. They demanded to be seen and treated as fully human. They went to “war” against our government as they embraced necessary tension and stood for truth and justice.

Dr. King wrote in his letter from the Birmingham jail, ”I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro’s great stumbling block in his stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen’s Counciler or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate, who is more devoted to “order” than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice;…”

Mason, Bradford, Barnhart, Perry, and Wildeboer are demanding we accept a negative peace with their cries for “order”, aka decorum. They are rejecting the tension required for justice and are demanding that we be silent, agreeable, and obedient as they wage war against our rights and our humanity. They’re demanding that we embrace their ideals that are rooted in white supremacy and bigotry.

We’re not going to do that. That’s not who we are and that’s certainly not who I am. Our community has embraced this tension, as we demand justice so that we can one day enjoy the positive peace Dr. King sought after. We will demand that every member of the NHCS community be treated with dignity and respect, regardless of race, gender, sex, religion, disability or economic status.

What we will not do is honor racism, bigotry and the other forms of hatred being pushed upon us by these 5 board members.

As Malcolm X said "A man who stands for nothing will fall for anything."

We’re not falling for their model of decorum because it is an attack against humanity and basic human rights. Just as the suffragists went to “war” with their banners, we will do the same. We will follow in the footsteps of the great civil rights leaders who demanded all people be treated equal under the law. And we most certainly will not submit to their model of decorum as it celebrates hate and honors oppression.

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